distance learning ellen #3

Last weekend, I came downstairs to tell my parents the news. They sat in the living room, a documentary dully playing in the background as they absentmindedly completed work they brought home with them: adulting. I entered into the room announcing, “Well, it’s sad to say, but today's the day. I’m officially done with Bah and Beary.” I stood there with hands on my hips, grinning at my newfound maturity. But I swear to God, it looked like these people just found out someone died. They looked at me, eyes as wide as possible, and began questioning me. Why was I doing this? Was I throwing them away? If I wasn't throwing them away, then what was I doing with them? After I reassured them that Bah and Beary would be just fine, they sank in their seats. After a couple seconds, my dad looked up at me and goes, “That makes me kinda sad, El” I laughed and turned around leaving the room, “Your kid is growing up guys! You can’t stop the inevitable!” I know it seems cruel, but it’s the truth.

Some clarification: Bah and Beary are stuffed animals I have had since I was born. Bah is a lamb (lambs go “bah”- very creative name I think), and Beary, the less creative name out of the two, is a bear. I decided after staying with my 20 year old cousin for a couple nights that I did not and should not need stuffed animals to fall asleep. I’m growing up. I’m going to college in a year, I can drive, and my 17th birthday is coming up in a week. I am a freethinker and am in charge of my actions. I do not need two stuffed animals to fall asleep.

So that attitude lasted a couple days. I went a few nights without Bah and Beary, and much to my curmudgeon, had some real difficulty falling asleep. This wasn’t supposed to happen, I should be able to break the ties and walk the talk.

I admit, as of now Bah and Beary are tucked into my bed, waiting for me to come sleep. While it’s not something about myself I freely share, I have come to the conclusion it’s kinda nice I still sleep with stuffed animals. I mean, it’s definitely not cool, but it’s not like the fact that there’s a lamb and a bear in bed, keeps time from ticking on. I’m allowed to hold onto the innocence of my childhood as I fall into a land of dreams, and I’m okay with that.