Kotary Week Eight

The 1970s movie Salem's Lot made Ben Mears' girlfriend Susan the Lois Lane of the Movie.

Kotary Week Seven

My sister believes that I should be this character in Beauty and the Beast. This is the character who has their wig ripped off in the first ten minutes of the film, acts air-headed, and then isn't seen for the rest of the movie.

Week 7 Bernard

Family get-togethers must be really easy when your parents are cousins.

Week 6 Bernard

"Italy is overrated"- Miriam

Caplan - Week 7

Everything is better with a pack of Skittles in your pocket.

Except a test when the teacher thinks they are the answers.

Sabnis Week 7

When someone asks me how I am, I started responding with "better than you".. am I too mean?

Caplan - Week 6

Time is like a river. We might be like leaves on the water, pushed against the rocks and sticks and the stream banks, in a slow uncontrolled drift. Or maybe we are like the rocks, and the sticks and leaves that float down the river are the obstacles we face.

I saw a river today by the way.

Gillis week 7

Some people really know how to take a dump on my good vibes.

Craig 7

I spend a lot of time thinking about how to steal things. Things like coffee and boarding passes.

Week 8 - Diana Cajolet

I've had a half finished application saved on my computer for weeks now. I don't know why I can't bring myself to finish it. It's either laziness or the fear of committing to something that is eight months away.

Week 7 Mathew

"Live every week like its shark week"
-30 Rock

Thea 8

I think I'm terrified.

Week 7 - Diana Cajolet

I've come to the conclusion that I am not good at poetry.

Week 7 E Killian

She was tall, and I was short. I know, like, bad character description, but it's the truth. She was the tallest in the class, and I was the shortest. She could have probably passed for a middle schooler, despite having barley lived a decade on this planet. I could barely reach her shoulders. Lift me up, Elizabeth, I'd think. Let me reach the stars from your shoulders.

O'Connor Week 8

I am personally just more entertained with myself when I am sad or angry, rather than if I was just okay. Strong emotion is fun.

jrottger week 7

Today at the dinner table, my twin sister asked if we ever had a fish that died from jumping into the radiator or if she had just dreamed it. I thought it was a really weird and random thing to ask and I was absolutely positive she had dreamed it.

Me, five seconds later: "OH MY GOD, SHARKY..."

jrottger week 6

For every person there is in this world who will leave you to struggle alone, there is someone who will stay up all night and help you get through it.

Thea 7

We chased out the freshman again. Our territory remains safe!

Lutz II Week 6

i have a good friend in rome called biggus dickus

O'Connor Week 7

In books, there are so many minor characters. For all we know, there could be so many other characters that have much more compelling stories than the main characters. And when other people write about those stories, we get this little thing called fanfiction.

Week 6 Mathew

How do you just stop being terrified of getting left behind and ending up by yourself forever and not meaning anything to the world?

-John Green

E Killian Week 6

Middle School is actually purgatory but with less fire and more pure evil

Craig 5

Inspiration is on strike.

jrottger week 5

Blankets are priceless. You can't put a price on the blanket that you use every day, that you depend upon to keep you warm during power outages and when you have to take the dog out in the winter and you can't find your coat.

Week 6 - Diana Cajolet

True love is when your dog is just as excited to see you when you come out of the shower as they are when you get home after being away for two months.

Pickersgill Week 6

I told my skating coach that math fries my brain.
He suggested a cold towel.

Cristina P week 4

Sometimes it's not a line that separates the sides of a debate or argument.
Sometimes it's a triangle or a square.
Sometimes it's a dodecahedron.

Caplan - Week 5

There's a little Gartner Snake that lives in the tall grass near our mailbox. He's very chill, but he likes the grass long because then he can hide. I see him every time I mow the lawn and I mow around him each time. I can't think of a name for him, which is bad because I think we're on a first name basis by now.

Caplan - Week 4

I'm trying to relearn how to play keyboard.
Its very hard and i'm very bad
Piano lessons when I was little are not coming to me.
My family feels bad for the headphones i wear when i practice.
I think its a good thing though.

Lutz II Week 5

One of the aspects of being a kid I miss the most is being in bed the night before a field trip or christmas and not being able to fall asleep. I remember lying in bed with my eyes wide open, frustratingly wide awake and wanting it to be morning so badly. No matter what I did sleep would never come yet I would blink and it would be morning. I never cherished that feeling. I never delighted in that feeling. Lately I've been missing that feeling more and more.

Gillis Week 6

How can someone "just keep swimming" if they don't know how to swim.

Sables Week 6

If it's combination, why do they call it a combo and not a combi?

Kotary Week Six

Wearing pajamas to school is like wearing formal clothing to McDonalds.

Caplan - Week 3

I think in a past life I might have been smart.

Thea 6

"So I'm not aloud to be frustrated, is that it?! They can joke about this **** and I can't even raise my voice. They can spout racist, sexist BS and I can't be even slightly irritated. They can outright make fun of me and my beliefs, but I'm the one who needs to calm down. Because that's whats fair. Thats not what fair is, and I am DONE."

O'Connor Week 6

What makes someone a good leader? It is not what they say they will do or their cockiness. It is through their actions, leading by example, and their ability to show that they care for the people that they are leading.

O'Connor Week 5

Today a friend told me that all beluga whales are from hell. I asked her why. Her reply was that they are Satan's horses.

Lutz II Week 4

"Yesterday, was that you? Looked just like you. Strange things my imagination might do. Take a breath reflect on what we've been through. Or am I just going crazy 'cause I miss you?"

-Yesterday, Atmosphere

Lutz II Week 3

The freshmen still don't know how to walk. The day of the pep rally I'm gonna get tapped and unleash my inner william wallace and go apeshit

Kotary Week Five

Some quotes from two of my favorite Stephen King  : 

"'Isn't there a frustrated writer inside every English teacher? Or am I wrong about that?'" -11/22/63, Stephen King

"Alone, yes, that's the key word, the most awful word in the English tongue. Murder doesn't hold a candle to it and Hell is only a poor synonym"- Salem's Lot, Stephen King

Gillis Week 5

Tears are basically piss that comes out of our eyes. Disgusting.

Bernard Week 5

wiggly is a wiggly word

E Killian Week 5

"Trick or treat!" said the two children, clad in costume. "Oh!" said Ms. B, "What a cute pair of cops and robbers!" "Haha," said the young girl in a criminal costume. She pulled out a gun. "Now give me all the fucking candy, or I shoot."

Bernard Week 4

how are colors?

Week 3 Killian

(Excerpt from my 2021 sitcom, Living with Gatsby)

DORIS, a 22 year old grad student walks into her apartment after a long day of work. The place is trashed.
DORIS: The place is trashed!
GATSBY, 29, is lying on the couch with a lampshade over his head.
GATSBY: (mildly drunk) Mgggmmm old sport
(HORRENDOUS LAUGH TRACK)
DORRIS: OoooOOh! You better get this cleaned up before Sydney comes back! She'll be PISSED!
GATSBY hits the speed dial button for Nick on his phone. He mumbles "jjjggggg old sport" into the phone and passes out on the couch again.
NICK, arriving at the door: GATSBYYYYYY!! What are you doing?!?!?
GATSBY: I threw a rager last night. Think I made it to first base with Daisy.
NICK: GATSBY!! Clean this up. Dorris will move out if you don't, and then you won't get to live across the street from that girl you like! You'll have to live with TOM instead!!
GATSBY takes the lampshade off of his head, and the camera pans over to an exposed, green lightbulb.

Thea 5

Floating, swimming, dragging, fighting,

tearing, running, walking through the day

Week 5 - Diana Cajolet

"Toothed vagina." - E

E Killian Week 4

A jealous woman hires a deep web hitman (actually hitwoman, but thats not a real word) to kill her coworker's fiancé. The hitman falls in love with her target. It's a romcom, and it stars Hayley Kiyoko as the hitman.

jordan week 4

I hate how I get mad at myself so often for falling asleep. That isn't something I should have to be angry about. It should be something I'm happy about, because sleep keeps me healthy and happy and awake during the day. So I'm basically angry at myself for being healthy.

Mathew Week 5

Richard: Only prostitutes have two glasses of wine for lunch.
Emily: Then buy me a boa and drive me to Reno because I am open for business.
-Gilmore Girls

Mathew Week 4

"I love bread"
-Oprah

O'Connor Week 4

At first I had a serious loathing for Into the Wild. But the more I analyze it, the more I feel as if I can relate to it. Darn Jon Krakauer.

Sabnis Week 4

My dad crushed my dream of becoming a comedian by saying I wasn't funny. Then I got 3000 likes on a comment I posted on ifunny. HA!

Week 4 - Diana Cajolet

Physics is kind of like running repeatedly into a brick wall. It's painful and makes you feel stupid.

Gillis Week 4

All stereotypes come from a little bit of truth.

Thea 4

All of a sudden, every sense screams. Without thinking, I launch myself up, tackling the Princess to the ground. Before the guards even realize what had happened I was standing on her horse, facing the forest.
"Little mage. Strong shackles." A voice rasps form the darkness of the forest. The swords pointed at me turn to the woods.
"Not strong enough." I reply in the language of my people. "The Princess is under my protection. You do not want to face me here." Laughter follows my words, whispering out of the trees. The men around me pale.
"Lies. Locked in your own body," they reply in the same language. I drew myself up to my full height, making myself as intimidating as I can with no weapon and my magic out of reach. Without this damn collar, I would have made my eyes glow, maybe my sword as well. But all I have are my hands. They will have to do.
"I am Aleka Camia." I say as my arm stretches before me. "General of the Eldren, Destroyer of the enemy, Granddaughter of  Chosen. I've seen a god and lived to tell the tale. I have fought your kind countless times and walked away untouched. I  am not one to be taken  lightly."

Reid 4

A man brought in a lottery ticket and won. This is not an uncommon occurrence where I work but he did something different. He only won $3 but after he left, he came back and said "I owe you this" and gave me and a co-worker each $1 and said " I always say I'm gonna share the lottery if I win." Its nice to see someone stick to their convictions when faced with them.

Kotary Week Four

Don't write emails at night, when you are taking cold medicine. You won't get anything you need to get done accomplished, and you sound crazy and incapable in the process.

Week 3 E Killian

A section from my 2021 sitcom, Living with Gatsby. In 2021, The Great Gatsby will become public domain, so naturally, I must make a bad sitcom out of it.

DORRIS, a 22 year old grad school student, walks into her apartment. She is tired after a long day of work. She scans the room, yawning. The place is trashed.
DORRIS: The place is trashed!
GATSBY, 29, is laying on the couch with a lampshade over his head.
DORRIS: (cornily and drawn out) GAAATSBY! Did you throw ANOTHER party?!?
GATSBY: (mildly drunk) Mmgmgmggmn old sport
(Cue horrendous laugh track)
DORRIS: OOooOOOH Gatsby, YOU PARTY ANIMAL!!! YOU better clean this up before....SIDENY gets here! She'll be pissed!
GATSBY hits the speed dial on his phone for Nick. He mumbles "mmgmgmgmgm old sport" into the phone and passses out on the couch.
NICK knocks on the door. DORRIS opens it, and as soon as we see NICK there is a prolonged studio applause.
NICK: (cornily) GAATTTSBY!!!! Sidney's gonna be PISSED!!!! What're you doing!!
GATSBY: Old Sport, I threw a total RAGER last night...it was on fleek....I think I made it to first base with Daisy...
NICK: GATSBY!!! You GOTTA clean this up!!!
GATSBY: Aight, old sport.
He sits up, and takes off the lamp shade. Cut to a lamp without a shade. The light bulb is green. GATSBY slowly puts the lampshade back on. A jazz instrumental version of the theme song plays in the background.

jordan week 3

Every time dad and I drive past the soccer fields, he looks out the window with a sad expression on his face. And every time, its like I'm tearing out a piece of his heart because I know its my fault that he feels so sad.

Craig 4

There was once a woman with laryngitis. She spent the whole day nodding.

Craig 3

We are too old to tear the knees of our jeans open, so we buy them that way. We attempt to remind ourselves of a lighter time when we could count the scars on our knee caps and our worst wounds were from scratching bug bites.